The Dove

All night long she stayed with me.

I knew she came as comforter, as a sign of Spirit with me. I knew she was my Guide and the symbol of protection. A vision of myself appeared through her. I was asleep, and She, the Dove who watches, Who waits, Who keeps vigil through the night lest my mind play naively in a dry creek bed where sudden storms would flood the plain and mad rivers sweep me under. Yes, my mind can be like this; if undisciplined it goes amiss. It wanders off like a playful child that takes no notice of the danger of her idols. She came, I’m sure, to keep me from drowning in midnight dreams of abandonment, a true friend on a lonely evening when I was deeply tired.

It is absurd how such a big bird managed all night on that tiny, really tiny ledge, hovering on a half inch, hugging the glass as if it were the breast of her beloved. It seems miraculous to me that she did not fall, fly off, leave as I came toward. She did not go.  She was there when I walked up the stairs in the dark, silently, beautifully present.  I turned on the lights startled by her gaze. A little closer to the window, close enough to look in her blue black eyes, I noticed the reflection there of light. She did not budge, but looked at me unruffled, and steady, turning her head slightly to follow my movement.

I did not want to scare her. I whispered…don’t go. And dimmed the lights and prepared for bed.  She was peaceful and yet, I fell to fearful thoughts. What if she were hurt?  This is too unusual, and too much of a feat for such a large dove. And so I approached with my practical perceptions…but then stopped. I did not will to see with the eyes of the world. I did not want to project ego’s fears about broken wings, or twisted innards. I wanted her there when I got into my bed. I wanted her as gift and grace. My bed is against the wall under this window, my pillow a shoulder from her wings.  I insisted on being vigilant for truth. As I brushed my teeth I prayed, and after I fell to knees bringing us side to side in folded wings.

Abba, Papa, Is this not your Creation come to me this evening…your Spirit looking in on my world? What harm could I ever see in this Beauty of yours? What pain, what injury do you give? No Father, this one is loved, as I am loved. We are equal in creation. We are safe in You. I See now with Christ’s Vision, a reminder of my Power as healer and lover of Life. Yes, I see only the Real, the natural, and the Word that you have sent to bless me. I accept this blessing and bless in return. She is whole and healed and without deprivation. So am I, because You are Creator.

I gently and slowly made my way into the bed…from the opposite side this time, so as not to frighten…but she was not frightened.  And I closed my eyes then, thanking God for this gentle wayfarer, this peace pigeon who rested in God with me. . Briefly, I mused on Harry Potter, and felt that she, like a wise old owl had brought a message from across the worlds, from Heaven Itself. All is well. You are not alone. Spirit is with you. I extended a quiet but firm invitation. Please stay the night, dear Companion. Stay the night, here above my head. Stay and sugar my dreams and in the morning you shall go. You shall spread your wings and sing sweet songs to brighten your friend, blue sky.

At precisely 6:00 am I opened my eyes. And precisely in that instant she purred, a little lyrical coo coo…out of a soundless dawn. Her notes inside me reverberated with life. She said, fare well, good by, namaste. And disappeared; her flight so sudden I could not trail it with my eyes, though I heard the flutter of wings. I wept a second for my loss and also with great gratitude for the purity of our relationship. Returning to my senses, I looked all around and about the windows and ran down the stairs and into the yard. I wanted surety she had not fallen, so quickly had she gone.  She had not, but seemed to vanish into the morning breeze.

MaryBeth Scalice, M.A.,Ed.D. recently published, The Love of Your Life, Vol. 1, The Jesse and Lily Intimacies. She practices spirituality and psychotherapy.  Check out The Jesse and Lily Intimacies on Facebook.