Journal Excerpt 8.19.11

Today is my birthday.
I want it to be special.
I want Jesse (Jesus) to come out of the sky, the bedroom, the closet, the moon and light candles with me. I want lilies and roses and sweet scented sachet.
I know that is the child in me, enamored by ribbons and balloons and carousels.

There is another part of me that recognizes the present eternal radiance of timelessness in the maturity of my sated soul. My Spirit revels that it is one with God, a golden braided extension of his great Rays on earth. His birthday card in my soul reads like Power and Beauty and indescribable Generosity. My heart can barely contain his birthday greeting.

In the world I have been living somewhat like a candle behind a shade. I dance for my Self and for my Beloved Jesse, but dampen my wick to others. I am still afraid to glow. Jesse says, The inner and outer shall be as One. The dark glass of individuality, privacy, personality shall melt away, and my fire will spread in directions I never considered flammable.

My body is growing lighter as I age. It is holding more light, though it is certainly responding to gravity. It’s funny; my sister reminded me I was 58. That made me laugh, as I had been thinking I was 58 for the last two years. When you are in the present, you don’t know your age. The laws of the world do seek witnesses through the illusions of the world. The body creases, but the Law of Love is the supra-normal gift of divine youthfulness in Christ, and that is where I have built my mansion.

Today seems like a good day for unpeeling and unmasking the thick veils behind which my true Self abides. It is a time for the New Idea, reNewed Purpose. My youngest daughter is leaving the nest. I am making room within… I am opening a glorious space. Today I released a formal letter (Dissolution of the Foundation of Open Hearts) bringing closure to The Foundation of Open Hearts. I am stepping away from the bureaucracy. I am untangling my priorities. One does not need a foundation to open her heart. One does not need a 501.3c to gather in circles of praise and thanksgiving. If there is any one meant to support the work of Jess through me, they will appear with or without a non-profit organization. Jesus never had a church, much less a tax-exempt foundation. He’ll work through me just the same.

In the background I hear the chink, chink of e-mails arriving on my computer. Wishes for a happy birthday meander in. I am grateful, and still love scares me a little. Can I accept these wishes? Can I hold these prayers? If I could gather up these friends and place a tender kiss on their cheeks, this would be a great birthday gift; one kiss after another, on a forehead, on an eyelash, on a beauty mark. If I could look each well-wisher in the eye and say, not wishes, but the Will of God is ours to give… If I could peer into their pupils, igniting my heart in the blinding Light revealed in them, seeing for certain the glory of God on earth… oh that would be a great birthday gift. That would give me everything.

For the moment I give these kisses to Jesse who shares them with all the world, sending them flickering across continents to brush the brows of the lonely, the dear ones, the dark faces who are waiting to be impassioned in Light. Jesse says,
This is the year of the sparkle, the twinkle, the blaze of beings.
This is the time of zest,
a prevalence of laughter, an abundance of bright, righting dull-mindedness,
raining white light.
Oh what a year in a Present of Love.
This is your Be-Day, what You are in truth,
The trove of His Treasure, the luminous creation,
Birthed now in the Womb of a most affectionate and generous Mother,
Whose Creativity is alive in You,
So that you too become His Holy Womb

I come back to my breath, for a moment just present with body motion, filling, emptying. That is all there is. Filling the cup of my life full to bursting with the whiskey of God; emptying It out upon His children, His creatures, His mountains, His seas, His brethren, His valleys, that I may be filled once more by the miraculous and potent potion of Real firewater.

My cup runneth over in Love. Jesse corrects me here. We share the cup of my heart and it flows forth from a river of Light, in the City of Lights, in the Dominion of Love. I am sending you this postcard today from that place in thanksgiving. Yes, it is a Happy Be-day. Our cup runneth over in Love. Blessed and Holy Be-Day Beloveds!

All Her Love,
MaryBeth the birthday girl